True love scales absurb heights in Surat :p

In a bid that takes doucebaggery to absurdy absurd heights, Raju Thakur, a Surti, jumped from the third floor of a building to woo a 16 year old girl. Apparently, the girl was profoundly inspired by “Rakhi ka Swyamvar” and asked our lover boy to prove his love by jumping off the building. And so did our man, Raju Thakur and then left to his native UP to get treated (of his injuries only leaving his douchebaggery completely intact). After he returned, the two love birds eloped to live happily ever after. But our heartless cops decided to play spoilsport and arrested them both after a complain from the just-about-almost-father-in-law of Raju.

I think the two should have been allowed to get married and make a fucktarded attempt at trying to live a married life. I am sure they would have realised there mistake and come to senses. I mean its not everyday you have one female frigtard asking a male douchebag to jump off a building. Now they are some species who are certainly above us practical, boring, stupid humans who express love by such old fashioned ways like giving cards, going for long walks, showing subtle niceties. You ain’t proven your love until you have jumped off a building mate…

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You are a great friend, BUT ….. :-(

ow this is quite common. A guy and girl are good friends and then the guy pops the question and the girl says ” You are a good friend but I never thought of you like that” or some annoying variation of it.
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, “You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.”

Now this is quite common. A guy and girl are good friends and then the guy pops the question and the girl says ” You are a good friend but I never thought of you like that” or some annoying variation of it.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, “You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. We may even hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.” 😉

Does it not sound so stupid. I mean you are good friends so whats the problem?

Okay  I was kidding. Proabably I was being a bit sarcastic. Yes you can be great friends with a girl and yet she may never have any feelings for you. And you will have to live with that mate. Love is not a mathematical formula, where you can say:

You look good+You are smart+You are intelligent+Funny+Caring+Great Friend= I am in love with you.

It just does not work that way. You have to have a mysterious compound Z in the above equation to make love happen. And that Z my friend is an unknown compound and varies from person to person. And that is exactly why you may be very good friends with someone and yet he/she may not have any feelings for you.

But yes, I think its very important that you be good friends first and then fall in love. I dont believe in love at first sight. Love happens over time, gradually. You don’t just wake up one fine day and decide that you love that great friend of yours. In fact, you dont decide anything at all. It just happens. We can choose who our friends are but with the people we love, we have absolutely no say in the matter. You can neither start nor stop loving a person.

In such a situation, my advice to you would be to continue to be friends and spend time with her whenever you have the opportunity hoping against hope that one that she will change her mind. And if that day never comes, please do not come and complain here. You chose this in the first place. You could have walked away and you did not. So face the consequences.

How to be a good programmer? My tips

Update: A way better and more comprehensive article on similar lines can be found here http://matt.might.net/articles/what-cs-majors-should-know/ I strongly recommend that anyone serious about programming should read it

At the very onset, let me make it clear that I DO NOT consider myself a good programmer. I rate my coding skills as average and I am still learning and have a long way to go before I am even slightly pleased with my programming skills. Yes I am better than quite a few people when it comes to programming, but thats merely because they are lazy and like to sit on their asses whole day and never bother about programming. Their horrible skills make my less horrible skills look marvellous. I have performed abysmally in ICPC and have never done well in any coding contest worth mentioning (I DO NOT consider college level contests worth mentioning). I havent succeeded yet in Google Summer of Code and my Imagine Cup moderate success (and glorious failure) isn’t much to write home about.

So most of the tips I will mention below are lessons learnt from failed endeavours, they are what I have wanted to be and I am not. So lets dive in.

1.Decide why you want to become a good programmer: Is it because you want a job, preferably in Google, Microsoft, Sun or IBM? Great. Then you will reach nowhere. All good programmers I know are good because they loved what they did. Develop interest in programming. See, programming is the only branch in engineering where you can straightway apply what you learn. Your dad may have a car but he certainly wont allow you to tweak the V2 or swap it for a v6 just to see what happens. But with computers you can do whatever you want. You want to simulate a virus? Cool. Install a virtual OS and run it. Then, when you are done, remove the virtual hard disk. If you are good at what you do, you will get paid and surely get that dream job. Yes, even I want to work in any of the above mentioned companies. But thats not because of the fat paycheck. Its because of the work they do. Because of the exposure I will have. Have you ever bothered to find out what all these companies do and the enabling technologies behind their products or the kind of R&D they do? Jobs will come. Dont make yourself a sucker for one. Sachin is not a great cricketer today because he decided to play cricket to earn money and get dozens of endoresements.

2. Programming languages: Very often people equate good coding skills with number of programming langauges known. Thats just damn untrue. While knowing a lot of programming language is good and sometimes, even, essential; it is more important that you know one or two lanugages very well. I ‘know’ and have used more than a dozen programming languages and yet C and Java are the ones I am truly comfortable at. Thats sad of course. I really wanted to be good at Assembly and Lisp as well. Never got the time or chance to develop those skills. To be good at a language takes years (at least 2 years). Being good at a language means, you understand where it is best used and where using that language makes no damn sense. On the other hand, knowing a language takes anywhere from 3 days to a week. If you are a beginner, learn C first. Don’t buy Yashawant Kanetkar. Buy the book “The C Programming Language” by Brian W Kernighan and Dennis M Ritchie (If you don’t know who they are, do this 1. Slap yourself 2. Google their names). This book is not the easiest but is the best. Its a small book but it is the most powerful. Generations of programmers have been brought up on it. And if you think this book is tough for you, please do not harbour any misplaced desires of being a good programmer and do not waste your time by reading this post further. Programming is an art (not a science. Yes you read it correctly), and like any art it requires painstaking effort.

Some people suggest Python as the first language to be learnt. Python is certainly a good language and is easy too. But you will have to rely mostly on the internet for help as not many around you would know Python. Also C has the broadest usage among all programming languages. Also please DO NOT use Turbo C. Its so fucking outdated. Use GCC. If you are in Windows download Dev C++. It has GCC

Read this (small) essay by Peter Norvig Teach yourself programming in 10 years . Again, do a Google [ 😉 ]search and find out who Peter Norvig is.

3. Algorithms: Any good programmer has a good understanding of algorithms. Its not necessary that you know each algo by heart (in fact good programmers never learn things by rote) but you must understand when to use what. Algos will broaden your understanding and give you new ways to tackle problems. Another important thing is Data Structures. Its more important than algo. Once you have chosen (or developed) the correct data structure, the algorithm becomes self evident. For algo, read the book “Introduction to Algorithm” by Thomas H Cormen et al. You may also refer Andy Tanenbaum’s “Data Structures in C and C++”. Also if you have desires to participate in coding contests (the respectable ones), “The Art of Programming Vol I to V” by Donald E Knuth are mandatory. Also may be “Concrete Mathematics” by Donald Knuth. Again reading does not mean remembering everything. Just try and understand whats written.

4. Coding contests: Coding contests are good for developing your algorithmic skills and they make you think fast. Its a good idea to participate in ACM ICPC or Topcoder.com. Then there are coding contests (like Sun’s Code for Freedom, Google’s Summer of Code, Microsoft’s Imagine Cup) where you develop a complete software. Such contests are spread over many months. Both require different sort of skills. You may be good in one and bad in another and yet you could be a good programmer. Contests like ICPC require lot of practice, fast thinking and you are expected to keep algos at the back of your mind. CFF, GSoC, on the other hand, requires creativity and focus spread over a long period of time. You dont have to come up with solutions too fast and you dont have to mug up algos. ICPC is like T10 while CFF,GSoc and Imagine Cup are like Test Matches. I would suggest you to participate in both types and then decide if you want to focus on either or both.

5. Participating in FOSS projects: You MUST participate in some free software projects. There are just too many. I am working on SCALASCA right now and then I will move on to Sun Grid Engine and Sun xVM Hypervisor and contribute code there. You learn a lot from these. You get to see a lot of code and learn the best practices. And did I mention, it looks good on your CV too. Most people catch cold feet when they go through some of the prerequities of such projects. Take Thunderbird for example. You would need to know a lot of C/C++ and Javascript (for developing modules). Now don’t wait till the day you are an expert in these languages before contributing. Programming is an art, don’t waste time sharpening your pencil when you should be drawing. You can ask me for directions.

6. Design Patterns: Any art is learnt by emulating. And therefore, you must emulate the best. Design Patterns are tried and tested architectural (of the software kind) solutions to some commonly encountered software design issues. And therefore, a basic knowledge of some common design patters in needed if you are planning to develop something that is even moderately complex. I suggest “Head First Design Patterns” from Oreilly as the first step.

7. Learning by emulation: Emulate the best. And this is possible by reading books written by the best and/or going through code from some of the best free software projects. I would urge anyone serious about programming to read the book “The Art of Unix Programming” by Eric S Raymond (dont forget to first slap yourself for not knowing who Eric Raymond is and then googling his name). You are not a programmer if you have not read that book. Period.

Now let me address a few common grouses

a. I dont find any interest in computers and want to do an MBA:Mainly a statement often repeated by Second Year(sophomore) students. Thats really your problem. I did not ask you to take Computers or even to join Engineering. You did not know, or bothered to find out, what you were getting into when you took up this branch of engineering and I am pretty sure you have NOT bothered to find out what awaits you in a MBA course either. I am also quite sure that 2 years after an MBA (if not earlier) you will also say pretty much the same thing about your job. Well what can I say. All the best 🙂

b. I dont like reading the books (or any books for that matter) that you mentioned above: Well this is not yet the world of Matrix where I can just feed in programming skills to your brain. Dont force yourself to read them. You can’t . Do it only if you want to. And if you don’t, please forget about being a good programmer. May be its time for you to use the excuse mentioned above (point a).

c. Give me one programming language that does all: There is none. Each has a different purpose. And thats how things are gonna remain buddy.

d. I want to a ‘real’ project: Thats great. You can do two things:1. Start one of your own 2. Join a FOSS project. But most people are not happy with this. They expect me to ‘give’ them a project, one thats easy (read, should not involve anything other than C and the only files you need to include should be stdio.h, conio.h (yes people here still use Turbo C) and may be string.h and math.h) and I should tell them what to learn. When people say this,they expect to go on a Autopilot ride.

e. I will learn X programming language by this sem/year/decade :There is no way you can sit with a book and learn a language. You need to do some real work with it, develop some real software and not just do those exercises in the book (that is necessary of course but not sufficient). Most of the languages I have learnt are because I was forced to do so as part of some project. Just pick up the basics in a day or two and then apply it to a real life project. Need ideas? Come to me.

Finally as Larry Wall says in Programming Perl : “We will encourage you to develop the three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

Laziness:So that you go to great effort to reduce overall energy expenditure. It makes you write labor-saving programs that other people will find useful, and document what you wrote so you don’t have to answer so many questions about it. Hence, the first great virtue of a programmer

Impatience: The anger you feel when the computer is being lazy. This makes you write programs that don’t just react to your needs, but actually anticipate them. Or at least pretend to. Hence, the second great virtue of a programmer

Hubris: Excessive pride, the sort of thing Zeus zaps you for. Also the quality that makes you write (and maintain) programs that other people won’t want to say bad things about. Hence, the third great virtue of a programmer.

So get set on your way to become a great programmer, the likes of Richard Stallman, Rithcie, Brian, Raymond, Torvalds. All the best.

Love Aaj Kal..My take

Watched the movie Love Aaj Kal yesterday. Why? Hadn’t slept for the previous two days (Why? Professional deadlines and personal problems=no sleep), and wasn’t feeling sleepy even after the professional deadlines were met and the personal issues were sorted out. So decided to watch the movie with a friend. Now a little bit of background info on our respective love lives. My friend has a turbulent love life, she is spoilt for choices and breaks in and out of relationship faster than many hollywood actresses. In many ways, she is the “Meera” of Love Aaj Kal. I, on the other hand, have a near non-existent love life. I don’t want choices, and I am rather keen (read, the way a homing missile chases a target) on someone now who does not even give a minuscule damn to me (not unexpected but undesirable nevertheless). My idea of love falls somewhere mid-way between the two Saifs in the movie.So we both decided to watch Imtiaz Ali’s latest take on love and kill some hard earned time.

I will not review the movie here. If you want that, just Google “Love aaj kal review”. The movie was watchable despite pathetic acting by Saif and Deepika. I liked the concept but the execution was flawed. The whole LDR (Long Distance Relationship) angle was there. And both me and my friend have had bad LDR experiences. While both of us were faithful to our respective ‘better halves’, they did not. And we have both moved on leaving all bitterness behind us. One one side, there is Rishi Kapoor and his outdated love values and “pratigya”, on the other hand we had Saif and Deepika, who are practical and don’t want to continue a LDR considering that a pursuit not fit for the “mango people”.

The movie has raised some questions in my mind. Are concepts like “true love” non-existent in today’s practical world? If you loved someone, how long would you wait for her? Is it even worth waiting? And do we fall in love only once? Would you still wait for her if she got married? Or would you try to break her impending marriage (like Patrick Dempsey in Made of Honor; btw I loved that movie 😉 ) Lets try to find some answers, or rather speculate on some answers.

Are concepts like “true love” non-existent. I don’t think so. There are quite a few “made for each other” couples in our college. Some of my friends are in serious relationships. So yeah, despite all practicality, “made for each other” love does exists, despite a statistically minor occurrence. But what if its a LDR. What if you move to another city/country/continent away from the person you love? Add to it the misery that she has no feelings for you or ,on a more optimistic note, you are unsure about her feelings for you? Would you still wait for her hoping that she would one day fall in love with you, knowing fully well that she would meet a lot more interesting, smarter, more accomplished, handsome people. Would you still hope that she would one day be yours? Or would you just chuck LDR and go for a girl who is there and do away with all the uncertainty. Even if you were with another girl, would you be able to completely forget her. What would I do in such a situation? Honestly, I don’t know. May be I will wait for fer. But that would be a painful option and a highly illogical one too. But matters of the heart are never decided by cold logic, if it were, I wouldn’t be writing this post in the first place.

Does “true love” happens only once, as told in Love Aaj Kal and many other Bollywood movies? Or can it happen more than once, a la KKHH? Can we completely forget someone and move on? I would say yes. I don’t say I have forgotten my ex, but she is now just another person I met. I don’t get emotional when I think of her. Does that mean I never loved her?No. I did everything to be with her (missing an HPC conference too) and I was completely devastated when I broke up with her. And I am happy I got over all that. I took time and effort but I eventually did. Now, as I am writing this post, I look back at all that misery and I realize my folly. I am not the least emotional as I am typing these words. In fact, that break-up taught me how to control my emotions and I am quite good at it now.

May be I will do everything in my power to be with her, be near and hoping she would one day notice me. Is it worth giving up everything for the person you love? May be I will know someday.

Okay,so far so good. Now lets take misery and hopelessness to the next level. She is about to get married and you are invited. Depending on how good friends you were, you could even be invited to help out in making all the preparations for the wedding. What do you do? 1. Sulk and not go. 2. Go and pretend as if everything is okay 3. Go and do everything in your power to sabotage the wedding and prove to her that you are the one for her. If we go by pure logic, option 1 is the best. Just avoid the damn wedding. But then matters of heart don’t listen to logic. So the best option would be to be as integral a part of the weeding as you can, and sabotage it. Yes, steal the bride. Simple. If you want ideas, just rent DVDs of “My best friends wedding” and “Made of honor” or closer home “mere yaar ki shaadi hai”. Now one thing common with all these movies was that the protagonist (the bride stealer) and the bride were best friends. Now you will need to work on that. You HAVE to be her best friend. Just HAVE to.

And now lets come to the highest level of hopelessness and misery. Despite your valiant efforts, she got married. What next? 1.Move on 2(a). Keep loving her 2(b).Keep loving her and pray that her husband catches Swine Flu (not forgetting to pray that she should not catch Swine flu from her husband) 2(c)Keep loving her and make an elaborate plan to break up the marriage. Now all of this is quite uncharted territory even for the brave story writers on Bollywood and Hollywood movies. In some cases, we have seen that the husband dies or she has a divorce and they meet and fall in love again. Examples are Hum Tum, KKHH (wife dies though), Love Aaj Kal, Dil Ka Rishta (I know you dont remember it). Any other you can remember? But really, nothing can be said. You are on your own mate.

So guys think very hard before falling head-on into this love thingy. Then again, logic never works with love. If I had listened to logic a year ago, I would not have been writing this post today. 😉

5 reasons why being single sucks


[Disclaimer: The article has been shamelessly copied from http://www.cracked.com/article_17063_5-reasons-being-single-sucks-even-more-than-you-thought.html
For more interesting articles do visit this site. But before that, please go through my below written plagiarized work. ]

1. You get paid less

A study shows married people take home 27pc more than their single counterparts.
And I dont even like my wife, you chum

There are a couple of possible explanations for this and, contrary to what you might want to believe, none of them involve your boss being jealous of your electrifying sex life. The explanation married guys are most likely to cite is a little old fashioned elbow grease. It’s hard not to hustle when the option behind door number two is “let your wife and kids starve to death.” Meanwhile, single guys are more likely to take a sick day to sleep off an especially bad hangover, or quit a great job because the nachos in the cafeteria suck.

And even if your married co-worker is the slap dick and you’re the responsible one, the perception still may not change. From your boss’s perspective, that guy’s money is going toward feeding his kids. Yours could be going toward any number of elicit activities he’s vaguely aware of. One of those sex parties he’s seen on those HBO documentaries, perhaps.

2. You work more
In an unprecedented act of kindness, American corporations decided their employees were working too hard and began enforcing something called “work/life balance.” Of course they had their selfish reasons. A happier employee will do better work, and get sick less. But who cares? Less work means more time for us single folk to go out and have indiscriminate sex with one another, right?

If you’re single, work/life balance is yet another way for the world to punish you for being unloved. One way the “balance” is enforced is the Family and Medical Leave Act, which gives any employee the right to take time off if a spouse, child or parent gets sick.

But what if you’re struggling to save up enough money for a ring for your girlfriend of seven years when she gets hit by a bus? According to work/life balance, you’d better have some vacation time saved up. Otherwise, you’re just going to have to learn to weep a little quieter, because you’re sort of bumming out the rest of the folks in Accounts.

There’s also the unofficial considerations. Married employees simply have more legitimate excuses to ask for time off: a kid’s birthday party, an anniversary dinner, Christmas. Yes, single people are more likely to be asked to work on holidays. The logic goes: You’re single, you don’t have a wife or kids, what could you possibly have to do? It doesn’t matter if you were planning to spend the day delivering presents to sick children. Someone’s got to pick up the slack for the married guy who keeps taking time off to attend his daughter’s dance recital.

But don’t worry too much about vacation time. Thanks to something called per person double occupancy (PPDO), you wouldn’t be able to go on good vacations anyways. Essentially, hotels, cruise lines, pretty much anything that isn’t a plane or a train, is designed and priced for couples. The travel industry wants as many people as possible roaming the streets in a capitalist frenzy. The more people they can pack into a hotel or a cruise ship, the happier they are. If that means punishing you for being unloved, so be it. Maybe you’ll learn not to be so lonely next time.

3. The Government Hates you

51 percent of married couples get a tax bonus, and it can be up to $1300 a freaking year. Just enough for your co-worker to take his wife on that Hawaiian vacation while you do all his work.

The benefit comes if there’s an income disparity; i.e. one partner is making more than the other. If they’re pulling in the mad bucks and their spouse is working a part time job, or just a full-time job that sucks, they wind up paying less. You’re stuck with the full tab.

To add a little salt to the hemorrhaging wound in your bank account, married couples can choose to file jointly or separately. So they have plenty of wiggle room to get the lowest taxes possible. So basically, instead of getting a tax break, you’re doing the equivalent of buying another wedding gift for all the happily married couples you know every April 14th.
You paid for that wine
And if you think the government’s a dick to private citizens around tax time, you should try fighting wars for them. You might expect the military to pay people who get shot at pretty well, regardless of whether or not they’re married. But in fact, a soldier with a ring on their finger is entitled to an extra $250 a month based on a piece of legislation left over from WWI called Family Separation Allowance. They also get an increased housing allowance, which is untaxed money. So basically, married soldiers get bigger houses and enough money to install a jacuzzi in the backyard. But hey, at least you single folks get to play the field in Iraq.

2.People HATE you
We HATE you
Rutgers University did a study that gathered empirical data of social stigma associated with being single and, well … it’s not pretty. Single men were viewed as being stupid and dishonest, and single women were more likely to be harassed and treated badly at restaurants. In fact, the study yielded so much material, that report we linked up there runs 58 freaking pages.

Even with the divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, marriage is still considered the norm. And if you’re single for too long, there’s a chance you’ll stay that way.

Time spent single is a lot like time spent in the bathroom. It’s the most natural thing in the world, until you’re there just a moment too long. But once you hit that point, there’s no turning back. People start to wonder what’s wrong with you. Gross images start popping into their heads. The next time they see you, you might smell a little funny to them. But hey, look on the bright side, at least nothing’s actually wrong with you, right?

1. You are going to die soon
Death's right behind you
Opinions vary on why single people are more likely to get sick and die. Some think it’s because marriage offers moral support to get through the tough times. Others think it’s just that a spouse is more likely to nag you into going to the doctor. Of course those are things you can counteract without getting married. Just buy a dog and schedule regular medical checkups, right?

But that won’t change the fact that married people have a better immune systems than you. They don’t have to be happily married. Even divorced people are better at fighting off illness. It’s like marriage is an all purpose vaccination that never wears off.
Hello? Anyone?

You’d think the health care system would be designed to accommodate all the strange and fascinating diseases you single folks have waiting in your future. But married people get the better of that too, often choosing between two subsidized plans, and paying less per person. In fact, they get such a good deal that people literally get married just to get on their partner’s health plan. While this might sound pathetic to you now, it will sound a lot more reasonable when you realize that the grapefruit sized lump on your neck isn’t going to remove itself. If it does remove itself, you’re probably going to have to go to the ER and get that shit stitched up.

So guys and gals, get someone before its too late….

Updates

Here are a few updates:
1. ACM Quest 2008 is finally on a roll. We are now working franatically
2. New ACM Team for 2008-09 has been formed.
3. Certain things I thought I would quit and/or forget are back again.
4.Certain things I thought I would never forget are on the verge of being forgotten.
5.Am participating in Imagine Cup 2008
6. SVNIT Linux Cluster just might see the light of the day.
7. Am doing CAT coaching at IMS.